Yosenio Lewis started off by first killing my resignation from the Board post from the NTAC-members list, then throwing me off the list completely. The NTAC list was still owed by Sarah and I was still a moderator, so my resignation post made it there, apparently Yosenio was furious it did wishing me gone without anyone noticing. It should be noted as well that Yosenio was also on the board of NGLTF and thus was serving two masters. It took two weeks of complaints that I had more than paid my membership dues and therefore leaving the NTAC-members list should be at my choice, not theirs, before I was put back on. Around this same time, Sarah agreed at the request of the NTAC board to rename the NTAC list to TPolitics, two days later she went "no mail" on the list leaving me as the list moderator. NTAC was officially out of the open list business, their members list being completely moderated and censored. Yosenio and Chris personally killed almost every post I made to the members list after that. The new TPolitics list still had all the archives from the name change from NTRC to NTAC on and now carried an advertisement at the end of each post for joining NTAC while disclaiming NTAC connections to the renamed list.
On December 7'th, Dawn officially resigned from NTAC completely (so she said) and the TPolitics postings now had a new trailing message denouncing all connections between the list and NTAC. Two days later Sarah turned over the ownership of TPolitics to me. Several people were critical of her farewell posting and I posted a reply which was the first time I was critical of the new "leadership" and direction of NTAC and it's new, overlapping board with NGLTF. Dawn immediately asked to be removed from the list. From this point on, anything I wrote critical of NTAC, Dawn took as a personal affront even when I clearly defended her personally in many of those same posts and she, herself, had declare that she had severed all ties with NTAC! Personal emails to both her and Anne Casebeer that I considered them friends were either ignored by Dawn or replied to with insults from her. From this point on, she basically declared war on me to my surprise and hurt. Despite this, I refused to say anything negative about her anywhere not wishing to burn those bridges.
That year I had met Marina Brown and Laura Potter in person during our public First Church of the Goddess celebrations at the Serpent Mound in southern Ohio. Our growing friendship changed much of the direction of my life.
For several years I had tried to limit my involvement with trans-activism to concentrate on the three, overlapping, dreams that I felt were my true vocation. The formation of transsexual reclaiming religion, writing on our historical role in the ancient world and building a prototype transsexual housing collective. I became re-involved in politics several times due to Sarah Fox's, Dawn Wilson's and Anne Casebeers' prodding, always to my dismay. The church had been formed and was growing and was now recognized by the State of Ohio, the research I had been doing for a book on true trans-history and the housing collective was still on my mind. Laura and Marina shared this vision with me. My involvement with trans-activism was now limited to running the TPolitics list and posting my thoughts on various issues occasionally. Apparently my ideas were still too damn dangerous for those who had highjacked NTAC. The sole reasons I kept the TPolitics list open was my belief that an uncensored forum for the exchange of ideas was a good thing and to preserve the archives from the birth of NTAC for historical reasons since many NTACers were already very busy indeed trying to revise that history. The censorship of the NTAC-members list was becoming increasingly heavy handed while being denied at the same time. Yosenio was determined to make NTAC a "tame" organization and purge all radical elements and may have been under heavy pressure from NGLTF to do so. What followed in the in next several months defies all reason. After they started to unfold, I wrote to an individual on the TPolitics list that ".transie leaders left and right are acting...........well, in a manner not consistent with getting a surgery letter, let's leave it at that."
Up to this time, all these lists were a part of Onelist. Yahoo was gobbling up every one of these listserves in sight and Onelist was about to merge with Yahoo. Around this same time, in an attempt to disrupt TPolitics, Vanessa Foster flooded the list with more than forty "jokes" in rapid sequence. Rather than remove her from the list, I changed her setting to no-post. As you might have noticed from earlier in this account, Vanessa was the source of many of the original "flames" at the formation of NTAC, not myself. She had just claimed that I wasn't present at the Bethesda roundtable that led to the formation of the Transflakes and then NTAC. She was also the now the co-Chair of NTAC! Almost every other list I'd ever been on would have banned her instantly for what she had just done, I didn't want to cut her off, just stop the disruptive behaviour and intended to re-instate her ability to post after she cooled off some. Instead she reacted with a massive attack of personal emails. She then followed this up with setting up a new list, NTAC, on yahoo upon the merger to which she subscribed most of the TPolitics members without asking. I received numerous private inquires about whether or not TPolitics had been renamed NTAC again, which is how I learned of the new list. What still puzzles me to this day is why, when NTAC was so desperate to be shut of an open list and had been for more than six months, was she allowed to do this by the rest of the board? Part of the answer might be that Yosenio posted the very first message to that list and the "radical" elements from TPolitics were the only ones not included in the takeover. My complaints to the NTAC board members went unanswered. My copy of my complaint to the NTAC-members list was censored. My complaint to the moderator of record for the new supposedly uncensored (lightly moderated was the term given), list, Lori Stone, resulting in an accusation of threatening her. I later learned that someone (Vanessa? She was acting totally irrational at this point) had privately written her and implied to her I was attempting to get her address to come and "get" her! This was totally untrue.
"Lightly moderated" turned out to mean that when I was finally allowed to join, I was the only member whose posts were on moderation! None of my complaints about this new list and the wholesale poaching of my own list were to be allowed to see the light of day on that list. As list moderator, Lori Stone had been made so afraid of me by the lies of others that she would not allow me to privately email her without cc'ing every word to most of the NTAC board! What was it that made me so dangerous? My complaints about NTAC abandoning it's mission as a grassroots organization. For this, NTAC had declared war on me, not the other way around. None of the board members ever responded to my complaints about Vanessa, who continued to bombard me with personal, nasty, private emails. The new "official" line was that I had been the one who started the "flame wars" at NTACs birth and had continued to "flame" everyone in sight throughout my membership. Only the archives of TPolitics which were available to anyone who cared to join the list to show otherwise.
Dawn stepped up her public shots at me, personally. I continued to write Anne Casebeer privately asking "why?" and not responding in kind publicly. Several folks started a campaign, out of a sense of fairness, to have me re-instated to the NTAC board since I had been removed illegally in hopes of, in that manner, reclaiming some of the original goals of NTAC. I, reluctantly, agreed. To no one's surprise, when it was put to a board vote, I was declared out for good.
The censorship of NTAC-members list and now NTAC (the highjacked list) was extending to beyond just me. Marina, Chelsea Goodwin and Laura Potter all found themselves occasionally censored as well. Chelsea was even a board member! They began a campaign to reform NTAC's policies to allow free speech on their lists, TPolitics being the only uncensored forum now and folks forced to post there to answer NTAC and NTAC-members posts by those who espoused the "party line". I tried to stay out of it as much as possible, but I was still the principle target of much of the ire of the NTAC elite, the others viewed as my minions. Dawn Wilson, Vanessa, and now new board member, Roslyn Manley continued to attack me frequently. The new moderation policy was hammered out and put in place awaiting confirmation at the next Board meeting only to be totally ignored on the NTAC-members list, which was set to full moderation, leading Laura Potter to resign as moderator of that list in protest initially. I occasionally answered these charges with general purpose posts, such as my Defense of Anger, that post led to Dawn starting a phone and email campaign labelling me her enemy. Then she attempted suicide. All this happened at the same time that the NTAC Board voted me out, only three folks voted for me. I resigned all membership in NTAC and took myself off the NTAC-members list. Diana Dale, JoAnn Robert's crossdresser partner in the TG Fund, now also joined in the personal attacks on me, but only on the NTAC-members list so I would not see them.
I contributed only general opinions and responses to other's posts on TPolitics for the next month and a half and almost nothing at all on the new NTAC list other than a request to leave Sarah Fox alone when her name was mentioned, at her request. The general insanity on that list continued. Ros Manley apparently tried to drive out several other board members, including Monica Roberts. Then on the 4'th of April Sarah and I got a strange email from Dawn Wilson that made zero sense to either of us about folks we didn't know. General mass madness was about to erupt within days. Vanessa apparently started flaming Chelsea, who then filed a complaint under the moderation guidelines so hard won. Vanessa immediately claimed to have gotten a virus (she has a real pattern of "computer problems" just when she's about to melt down, you figure it out)
I got yet another strange email from Dawn to which I politely wrote back that I was out of politics and not interested. Ros Manley then filed a motion to have Marina removed as list moderator and Chelsea removed from the board because they dared disagree with her and others on issues! The "Executive" board announced they were suspending the upcoming board elections. Chelsea then forwarded me a JoAnn Roberts post from NTAC-members once again threatening NTAC, just as she had done immediately preceding my removal from the board. Just a month and a half before Roberts was refusing to turn over the ownership of the NTAC domain to NTAC webmaster Jerry McCracken as she had agreed to do so when she first registered it! Faced with a copy of that original post I forwarded to Jerry, she relented. Feeling that Chelsea and Marina were basically being attacked for having defended me and appalled at the latest antics of NTAC I wrote two responses to the madness on TPolitics. The first about Robert's history with NTAC, the second on NTAC in general. In the second I used the phrase "classist bastards" referring to the current leadership. Someone forwarded that one to Dawn with the title, "This means you". Now only a total idiot would have read that posting as referring to Dawn, especially given that she supposedly wasn't even a member of NTAC, nor had been for many months!
The next day Chelsea Goodwin and I received an email from Dawn's brother. It was insulting, it was nasty and it contained what I, and others, felt were death threats. I asked for an immediate apology and instead got further insults directly from Dawn. This was the last straw, for almost six months I had not only turned the other cheek at Dawn's attacks, but had actually defended her. I wrote Anne and told her to pass on to Dawn that if she was NTAC, a state of war now existed between NTAC and myself and that in the future I would no longer refrain from answering further personal attacks on myself. Around this same time Dawn sent a letter to Marina Brown's employer outing her and threatening a lawsuit naming NTAC as a wronged party as well as herself. Once again, the cowardly board of NTAC action was a shutting down of all internal communications! Anne then posted a list of "rules" for posting on NTAC-members that forbade the use of the words "democracy", "elitism", "free speech", and "censorship" at pain of instant removal from NTAC membership. Chris Stenson told a young trans-activist I knew personally that if she didn't like censorship, don't join NTAC. That young activist's partner was about to donate $1000.00 to NTAC.
Both Chelsea and myself took the death threats very seriously. I took steps to gather all the information on the insanity of various NTACers and Wilson in particular and place them where they would come to light if I had an "accident". I made news of this action public. I had several reasons for taking the death threat seriously. Dawn Wilson had once pulled a loaded gun on another trans-activist living under the same roof and, on another occasion, assaulted someone else with a bowie knife. Both of these accounts I had learned of first hand from the victims. Wallace Wilson, her brother, had been discharged from the service for, among other things, "marked psychiatric impairment" and had a work history of violent "outbursts" at his bosses. This is verified by public records. The Wallace Wilson threatening message came from Anne Casebeer's computer as verified by the headers and later confirmed by Anne herself. Once again I tried to withdraw from activism as much as possible only to have Wilson attack over and over. Wilson is like a pitbull and having made someone an enemy, never lets up. Her bullying tactics and violent outbursts are legendary in the gender community and especially with the board of "Southern Comfort", again confirmed by direct communication with the source. She told several of my friends at the time (during a NTAC board meeting at a convention) that she was going to sue me and take my pathetic trailer and leave me homeless. This is the sort of person the "transgender" community gives a Trinity Award to!
I made a trip out to New York to visit Marina and Laura and look for a possible site for a transie trailer park, the third part of my dream. I continued my work researching historical roots of the transsexual priestess of the ancient world. I devoted more time to my church. On June 19'th, despite the fact that I had been set to no mail on the NTAC list, I was banned from that list. I finally decided to expel the NTAC board members from the now renamed TSPolitics list which had a set of guidelines for membership. They had been using my list as a springboard for further attacks on myself and enough was enough. Around this same time I started getting "magazine bombed", that is someone was subscribing me to magazine after magazine as a form of harassment. When I requested the original cards (it had all been done with "blowin" cards), I found they all were postmarked from Louisville, Ky. and the handwriting was, to my eyes, identical to the handwriting on the letter and envelope from Dawn Wilson sent to Marina's employer. This magazine bombing never let up and continues to this day and the recent group of "blowin" cards returned to me all also have Louisville, Kentucky postmarks and are in the same handwriting.
In July of 2001 I once again suffered a major back injury, this time on the job. This time I was unable to bounce back and am now permanently disabled. Deciding to make lemonade, I once again took a trip to New York to visit Laura and Marina and look for a place to start a transsexual housing co-operative. This time we found a delightful old Inn that had been vacant for some time. We contacted the realtor and began negotiations to purchase. In January of 2002, I moved to New York and we began Gallae Central House, named after the transsexual priestess of Cybele. Never again shall I involve myself in trans-politics other than an occasional opinion piece. The NTACers never let up, now calling me an elitist, transsexual separatist bitch and in the spring of 2002, Wilson and a couple of others filed a false Terms of Service complaint that killed all my email forwarding, the personal webpages I'd had on Geocities since 96, and all the yahoo groups, including TSPolitics with all the public archives from the early days of NTAC on that I had owned. Dawn has openly bragged about her involvement in this. At this same time, the magazine bombing stepped up to a level almost beyond comprehension. I recently learned that Sue Davis was also magazine bombed up until she moved from Ohio and her address is now only available to her friends. NTAC has just, once more, had a mass set of resignations from their board. Some things will never change.
Throughout most of my political experiences my basic message never changed. The truth of my experiences with the level of insanity, self-hatred and pure stupidity of the average trans-activist has been reconfirmed as standard operating procedure with each time I see some poor transsexual woman try to interact with this crowd. In the name of "transgender inclusion" they ruthlessly attack and drive out any transsexual woman foolish enough to point out transsexual needs are different. When I started this journey many years ago, I discovered that non-transsexual transgenders only gave lipservice to the womanhood of transsexual women, now even this lipservice has changed to out and out denial of it by many non-transsexual transgenders who openly attack transsexual women for their identity in their weird and warped notion of "unity".
Finally, I am devoting my life to where I can make a real difference. Our home is a spiritual retreat, a home for many more transsexuals than those who actually live here. The three dreams of my past are now interwoven. To those transsexual women tempted from a sense of rightness and fair play to get involved with the "transgender" civil rights movement I offer this advice, fight the temptation, they are crazy and have no sense of right or wrong. They do not know how to play nicely with others. I sincerely doubt they ever will. They will deny you three times before the cock crows.