Transvestites usually start off as fetishistic. They don't like to admit it, they sometimes deny it, but it is the simple truth. Often the sexual component of their crossdressing fades to a lesser importance as they get older, but rarely does it go away completely. Recent studies seem to indicate that the behavior is more complicated than just this, that like transsexuality, seeds can be seen long before puberty. Transsexuals would do well to remember this. The main friction between the two groups seems to stem from the sense of gender identity. Transvestites are men. Most of them are very happy to remain so and would not dream of giving up their male lives. Some may talk about the "inner woman", getting in touch with their feminine side or something like this, but the fact remains that the primary identity is male. Male to Female (MtF) transsexuals are women. Their identity is female, and only with rare exceptions, most eventually transition to the social role of woman that is much more fitting for them.
Just as in the larger society, the same misunderstandings that are found between men and women are found between transvestites and transsexuals. Just as in relationships between men and women, the two groups can work together and support each other. Just like relationships between men and women, they rarely really understand each other. Understanding between the two groups is further complicated by several factors. From the outside, there appears little difference between transvestites and transsexuals. They both consist of biological males who dress in women's clothing and this crossdressing behavior is the thing that is most noticeable about both groups. It is this common behavior that joins them together in open support groups. It is this common behavior that tricks so many into thinking that this behavoir is part of a continuum with fetishistic transvestites on one end and fully female identified, surgery tracked transsexuals on the other end. This thinking is false and leads to the misunderstanding between the two groups. The difference is basic and mental. A transvestite brain is male, a transsexual brain is female.
As is true among most men, the penis is central to the transvestite's sense of maleness. Just as is true among most men, this colours much of how they see the world. While a pre-operative transsexual may still have a penis, it is not only not a part of their identity, it is a painful reminder of the gap between themselves and other women. Our society, being male dominated, places far greater importance on penises than such a relatively simple piece of skin warrants. Transsexuals are often cruelly denied their identity as female by the state and by the rest of society because of the presence of this "male marker". It is little wonder that so many single-mindedly pursue surgery to correct what is to them, a birth defect. Among a support group they, not unreasonably, expect that the presence of this defect should not be the basis of denying their identity, but sadly, all too often this proves wrong. This is what I found as well. Being men, transvestites place the penis on the pedestal of identity and being men, they sometimes cruelly use the presence of one to deny a transsexual woman's identity. I have been told that until I am post-operative, I am a man and should be treated as one by several transvestite "sisters". I have been told than even though I live my life as a woman 100% of the time, I have no right to use a woman's restroom because I might upset someone with the presence of a penis that no one ever sees! They would doom me to never using a public restroom or placing myself in the path of ridicule or even possible physical harm by using men's restrooms.
I was unable to change the mind of these transvestites. The penis is so important to them that they can overlook the reality of my life, my hormonally changed body, my entire sense of who I am and not see anything wrong with this. Small wonder that after exposure to this type of "support" so many transsexuals want absolutely nothing to do with transvestites. Just as is true with most men, far too many transvestites simply cannot understand the female mind.
When I first attended a meeting of the support group I eventually became president of, I was struck by one main impression. It was a Christmas party and a dinner was prepared and served as part of the meeting. The people preparing the meal and who did the vast majority of the cleaning up were the wives of the crossdressers. The transvestite males, as is true of men the world over, ate the meal and afterwards gathered in knots and talked about sports and cars and other male activities. I found myself drawn too and identified with two of the spouses and a female visitor from a local women's shelter. I still joined the group because at that point in my life I had been unable to express the essential woman I was anywhere else and I did find afterwards several transsexual sisters I did identify with.
This support was vital to my dealing with my transsexuality and my being able to assume the role of a woman that was my proper place. Although my need for the group quickly faded as I became more comfortable with myself, I saw the importance of this to those like me who followed and so I was willing to take on the responsibility of being an officer of the group. I believed that my presence would help my fellow members who were transvestites understand the differences between us and we would be able to work together. While this seemed to be true with some, far too many transvestites were still willing to deny my identity. After cruelly being attacked by a founder of the group, a transvestite, I resigned.
Can the two groups work together? I still believe they can but only if the transvestites learn that to a transsexual woman, any denial of their identity is going to be meet with shock, horror and pain. Only if transvestites somehow learn that transsexual women are women and not full time crossdressers. Only if transvestites can rid themselves of the penis-centric view of the world that far too many of them carry around as part of their male baggage.
Communities consist of individuals. Individuals are, well, individual. Men and women work together all the time for the common good, transvestites and transsexuals should be able to as well, but like men and women, the two groups are vastly different. Celebrate and acknowledge the difference and much can be done. Fail to see the difference and some will be hurt quite badly.
copyright 1998, Cathryn Platine. All rights reserved. This page may not be reproduced in whole or in part in any electronic or print media without the express written permission of the copyright holder.